qin ai de..wo ia ni..ni! ben dan!

Nobody ever told me the true meaning of love..
I search it in the internet..
None of the words give me the best idea of what love is about..
Why I can’t feel it?
Why I still can’t understand?

Every morning I wake up..
Just hoping today is a better day..
Just smile looking at myself in front of the mirror..

Before, I was crying because of love..
Suffered a lot because of love..
Put all the blames on myself because of love..
Give up because of love..
Frustrated and disappointed because of this idiot love!
What’s so beautiful about love I usually heard??

Some say..
”God gives me love to live..”
“Love is amazing..”
“I love you till my last breathe..”
What’s so important about love??
It’s just a waste of time!

…………..

As I grew up..
I learned so much things..
I faced many problems..
I meet a lot of people..

Try to understand..
Try to feel..
Try to capture every joy in life..
Try to learn as much as I can..
Try so hard to listen, to make it mine..

Somehow, I could paint these plain papers with wonderful colours..
The love shows me the colours of the rainbow shining in the purple evening..
With dazzling stars above the sky..
Fantastic!

…………

This is the first time I meet someone who really cares about me..
Willing to do anything for me..
Try the best to make me happy..
Give full attention and protect me every time..
Understand me better..
Hold me when I’m weak..
The voice to speak, the eyes to watch..

He never give up..
I can feel how much he loves me..
He teaches me how to fly..
He gives me strength to carry on my life..
He helps me a lot..

He saw the best of me even I’m not..
I am everything I am when I’m with him..
I am lucky to know him..

He brings the light in the deepest dark little heart..
He never force me to do anything..
He never hope me to give him anything back..
He always there to make sure I’m ok..

I’m fine..
And I’m very happy to be with him..
I’m free to be myself when he’s with me..
The best thing of me is him..
There to share every single problem..
There to fix every broken pieces of my heart..
The most important thing is..
He never broke his promises..

I never want him to let me go..
I never want him to go away..
I want him to be with me every breathe I take..
I should tell him how important he is to me..
But I never had a chance…

I don’t know how to express my feeling towards him..
It’s so hard for me to let the words escaping my mouth..
But my heart always force me to tell him what I need to..
So this is the only way..

Even I never say I love him..
I’m sure he knew it earlier..
All I ever wanted was a person like him..

But love isn’t everything..
If you love someone, let it go..
If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever..
If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be..
Nobody ever wish to be loved because they are pretty, beautiful, intelligent, good or whatever..
But because they are themselves..

If I know what love is, it is because of him..
Love is never wanting to lose faith, never wanting to give up and never truly moving on..
Love is knowing and praying in the deepest part of what’s left of your heart that they feel the same..

The truth is, i don’t know why i love him..

Sincerely..
”wo ai ni..”

happy birthday

where u go?
i miss u so badly..

today is his birthday..
he looks happy today..
i just gave him a cute little present..
i hope he likes it..

wishing him..
"happy birthday!may God bless u.."

"i hate you!"

stop calling me!

i'm back..
for months i stop undating my blog..
because i'm too busy..
there's so many things i want to share..
there's so many things happened last few months..

firstly...
org yg pernah aku syg satu masa dulu..
apa yg buat dia terus igin menghubungi aku?
every single day dia call..
and the worst part..
dia suka sakitkn hati aku..
knpa msih ungkit perkara 2tahun lalu??

i just wanna tell him if i could..

"you the one who leave me..
you the one who make me cry..
you make me suffer all this time..
why you keep on hurting me?
what do you really want from me??!
i hate you! stop calling me..
i'm tired pretending i'm glad to receive your calls..
we are finished, and nothing there's left in my heart.."

kehilangan

kehilangan mmg sgt mnyakitkan..
lebih mnyakitkn apabila kita ada sikap pentingkn diri..

kita syg kn dia..
kita nak dia slalu ada ngn kita..
hakikatnya kita akn kehilngn dia..

merelakan kepergian dia bukan sesuatu yg mudah..
jika kita pentingkn diri..

rasanya,
aku xkan kecewa sangat bila kau tinggal kn aku..
tpi kesekitan yg aku alami sgt lama..
kesannya msih ada..

rasanya,
kehidupan aku msih sama tanpa kau..
tpi keceriannya seolah2 tidak terserlah..
cahayanya kian surut..

rasanya,
kau bahagia sekrang..
mungkin..siapa tahu..??
aku xdpt tnya kau..
kalau aku tnya pun, xsemestinya kau jwb jujur..

skrg mcm ni lah aku..
jalani hari2 seperti biasa..
happy..smuanya msih sama..

mm..
apa yg aku buat skrg, cuba lupakan smua kesedihan..
dan kesedihan aku itu ialah kau!

mngkin aku perlukan masa..
untuk berhubung secara normal ngn kau..

maaflah sbb aku cuba mngelak dripada kau..
bukan aku xnk angkat call, bukan aku xnk reply msg..
tpi aku xmmpu!
aku perlu masa..

1 hari nnt,
bila aku dh bersdia, aku akn jdi kwn kau semula..
dan wktu itu, kau harus tahu...
"aku dh xde apa2 perasaan pada kau..dan aku dah lupakan smua tentang kita.."

why??!!!

malu..
malu..
malu..

aku speechless...
xtw pe nk ckp...
smuanya cm bercampur baur...
prasaan happy, malu n geram..
rsa bersalah pun ada...

pls...
forgive me...

aku bgi kau harapan ke??
aku trlalu care ke??
aku trlebih sygkn kau ke??

pls say something..
"yes" or "no"...

do you feel something towards me??

bla..bla..bla..!
aku dgr kau merepek2 ckp psal sesuatu yg xpsti..
smuanya still blur for me..
so make it clear ok!

"k gudnite..xpe kalau xnk reply msg aku!!"

malu..malu..malu!!hari yg memalukan!

pernah bygkn kau pkai baju sama ngn kwn kau dlm satu majlis???
ahh..
malu..malu..malu!
itu apa yg aku cuba gmbrkan...

huh..
yg penting kne pndai cover rsa malu tu...
pndai2 la ckp..
"ala..kitaorg beli kain sama2..saja, nk boria..sehati sejiwa.."
haha..pengalaman yg pelik pernah aku alami..
xsangka!

satu lgi bnda memalukan!
pernah x kau pkai baju kurung,
pegang kayu pnjang (kayu sepanduk),
sambil lari kejar kereta mak kau (takut kne tinggal),
sambil pegang kasut dan berkaki ayam??
cmne nk gmbrkn eh??!

tpi tdi mmg teruk..
kasut tu mnyakitkn kaki aku..
so aku trpksa bukak kasut n lari nk kejar kereta mak aku!
aku pegang kayu sepanduk tu mcm org asli nk pergi berburu kt hutan..
malunya!!!
ya Allah, kwn aku lak gi tngkap gmbr aku..
aku pun sempat lgi possing dlm keadaan kelam kabut nk kejar kreta mak aku..
haha!
mmg malu!!manusia2 sekeliling hnya trsengih memandang..
malu!!!!aku taubat xnk wat perangai2 pelik lgi!!!!ahhh...malu!!!!

aku pelik?! apa2 je la..(n_n)

haha...
mmg pun..
kdang aku happy, kjap sdih, nnt hyper plak..
kdang aku blur n slow..
ikut masa dan keadaan..

kwn aku ckp aku pelik..
bukan sorang je penah ckp cmtu..
rsanya 9 drpda 10 kwn aku brpendapat aku pelik..

hahaha!
klakar la..

tpi..
bgi dorg..
sifat pelik aku ni la yg wt aku special..
ntah la..

tpi ini lah diri aku..
sepelik2 mana pn aku..
ini lah hana..
klau aku x mcm ni, mksudnya aku bukan lah hana..

ada yg suka, ada yg bnci..
ada kata aku mngada, gedik..
ada plak ckp aku ayu, lembut sgt..
ada plak kata aku kasar, ganas, gila2..
ada plak brpendapat aku ni bdak2 x matang lgi..

apa2 pn yg dorg pikir,
ini lah diri aku..
aku bukan sempurna, tpi aku selesa ngn diri aku..

well, apa org nk kata psal aku,
aku xpeduli sgt..
sbb org yg xknal aku, dorg xtw aku ni cmne..
xsalh dorg nk wt tanggapan..
kira cm hypothesis dorg trhadap aku la..
bila dorg dh knal aku, bru dorg tw aku ni cmne n bru la leh wt conclusion..
time tu bru la dorg tw, hypothesis dorg accepted or rejected..

huhu!
apa pn aku happy sgt ngn kehidupan aku n brsyukur ngn pengalamn2 yg aku dpt..
bkn smua dpt rsa pngalaman ni.. mnis, pahit, masam, masin......
so, thanx smua yg mnceriakn hdp aku...
thanx a lot!!

especially..
(O.o), aiman, azuryn, najwa, muzzy dan rmai lgi!
smua yg mngenali diriku ini..thanx...

you're the mistake i've done...?

I'm glad you were here by my side, once..
I'm glad that I knew you..
But when you're gone..
I feel like crying..
"Please come back.."

Losing my mind, falling in love with you..
Maybe it was too fast...
I'll be fine without you..
I'm living happily now..
I can breathe and sing along, sometimes I laugh with my friends..
No more tears..
But it will be better if you're here with me right now..

Thinking of you is like filling the empty spaces in my heart..
Looking at you is like painting a colourful picture..
Talking to you makes my heart beats faster..
And missing you is like killing myself..

None of them were like you..
None of them would have the same words you said..
None of them could make my smile shines the world..
And none of them broke my heart as you did..

.....
Now I really know this guy..
The guy i never notice before..
He always makes me feel calm..
He always gives me what I want..
The one who be with me everytime i cry,
feeling sad and frustrated, disappointed because of you..
Even sometimes i always treat him badly..
He never say "goodbye"..

He is the one who really owns my heart..
But I've been blind all this time..
I've been so stupid while listening to you dear..
Why I'd be with you..?
After all, you leave me..
Its not suppose to hurt this way..
If I could turn back to the past..
I'd like to change everything..
And the first thing is.."you"...

Now I will never ever repeat the same mistake again..
Even you're trying to get back with me or anything..
I'll never let it happen..
And "goodbye"..
I realize, you're the mistake I've done...

But wait...
I'm glad that I knew you..
If not, I'll never realize, the truth is..
I love him and he appreciates me more than anyone could!

aku, (n_n) ...replying msg... kau, (O.o)

You received 1 new massage from: (O.o)

“Hurting you is the worst thing I have ever done.. I know you probably won’t forgive me, but I want to apologize here.. Maybe its true, I don’t deserve becoming your friend.. Thank you for all the time, credits you’ve spent on me and even you’re caring towards me.. I am really an idiot for not appreciating everything you have done to me.. Thank you..”

………..
(n_n) is replying to (O.o)

I would like to reply you this way..

But I didn’t..

..............



You received 1 new massage from : (n_n)




I didn't see it clearly..

I didn't notice it was the right feeling I had..


I try not to let myself fall again..

I just don't want to be hurt anymore..


The truth is,

I'm falling for you..


Every second, I think of how to get with you..

Cause I know we can't be together..

Every night, my dream is only you..

The happy moment when we r together..


Didn't u feel the same way I felt?


mmm...

You acting weird towards me today..

Why don't you come and have a talk with me?

Why don't you smile at me and make me laugh?

Why don't you walk with me and follow me where ever I go?


I know I've hurt u a lot before..

But I promise that I will never let u down again..

Please give me another chance..

Lately, I feel like you’re trying to avoid me..

I’m not sure why..

Maybe u still mad at me for what had happened last two days..

Perhaps, its not that serious..

But yeah, I don't like to be in this kind of situation..

And now I understand "why?"!

Cause..

I love you..

I don't want you to leave me..

^_singing_^

The power lines went out
And I am all alone
But I don't really care at all
Not answering my phone
All the games you played
The promises you made
Could't finish what you started
Only darkness still remains

Lost sight
Couldn't see
When it was you and me

Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
I'm beginning to see the light
Blow the candles out
Looks like a solo tonight
But I think I'll be alright

Been black and blue before
There's no need to explain
I am not the jaded kind
Playback's such a waste
You're invisible
Invisible to me
My wish is coming true
Erase the memory of your face

One day
You will wake up
With nothing but you’re sorries
And someday
You will get back
Everything you gave me

i miss your voice..sing for me again..

The stars lean down to kiss you,
And I lie awake I miss you,
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.
Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly,
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'll send a postcard to you dear,
Cause I wish you were here.

I watch the night turn light blue,
But it's not the same without you,
Because it takes two to whisper quietly,
The silence isn't so bad,
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.

I'll find opposing new ways,
Though I haven't slept in two days,
Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.
But drenched in Vanilla twilight,
I'll sit on the front porch all night,
Waist deep in thought because when I think of you.
I don't feel so alone.
I don't feel so alone.
I don't feel so alone.

As many times as I blink I'll think of you... tonight.
I'll think of you tonight.

When violet eyes get brighter,
And heavy wings grow lighter,
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again.
And I'll forget the world that I knew,
But I swear I won't forget you,
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past,
I'd whisper in your ear,
Oh darling I wish you were here.

hilang

Dimanakah cinta sejati..
Yang memberi ketenangan hati..
Sampai kapanku harus menanti..
Kau pergi dan mungkin tak kan kembali..

Dan aku menangis dan aku terluka..
Bila..
Dan aku menangis dan aku terluka..
Bila...
Engkau menghilang..

Kau pergi dari ku tinggal kan ku..
Lewati malam tanpa kasihmu..
Ku rangkai kata..
Ku rangkai nada..
Yang ku ingin hanyalah cinta..
Dan semua menghilang..
Dan semua menghilang..
Dan semua menghilang..

Semua karena cinta ku menangis..
Semua karena cinta ku tertawa..
Semua karena cinta..
Semua karena cinta..

Dan kau tinggalkan hanyalah luka..
Dan semua menghilang..
Dan semua menghilang..
Dan semua menghilang..

Semua karena cinta ku menangis..
Semua karena cinta ku tertawa..
Semua karena cinta..
Semua karena cinta..

i'm not sure

i love you..

maybe i'm fall in love with you..

but i'm not sure..

everyday i keep on thinking about you..

before i sleep, there you are by my side..

the teddy bear you gave me..

i hug it tight..

but i still can't forget him..

still can't let him go..

still missing him..

still waiting for him..

even i know it is impossible..

impossible for him to come back..
impossible for him to love me again..
and..it is impossible for you and i to be together..

we're just like..

black and white..
the earth and the moon..
oil and water..

can't be a compound or mixture..
its just like an element..

i do care about you..
i do miss you a lot..
seeing you smiling is just like singing..

i try to picture you..
the glory colours of the blue sky with the illusion of crowded plain rainbow dancing across the clouds..
the sun shines bright..so bright..then the white bird flies freely follows the air..
everything is just so simple..
just like the melody in my heart..
but people can't hear them..

i'm sorry since we can't get together..
but i just want you to know..
no metter what it takes, i always know who you are..
you look stupid to others, you seems annoying, but for me, you are happiness..
the best man can shows..

ever...

wish i can go there..

aku trus mnunggu sesuatu yg xpsti..
mata dh letih..
cuba untk tidur..
tpi bgitu sukar..
hrp bila bgun esk, ada kejutan..
mcm biasa aku akn tunggu..
kejutan yg baik..

.................

aku msih berada di sini..
di tmpt yg sama..
lalui jalan yg sama..
suasana yg sama..
pemandangan yg sama..

tpi smuanya xmcm dulu..
keadaan dah brubah..

tpi aku msih sama..
perasaan yg sama..
harapan tetap sama..



menunggu kepulangan kau..
menunggu kau..
sbb aku yakin..
aku cuma mngharapkan kau..

...................

bila aku bgun nnt..
aku igin lihat kau lgi..
aku igin lihat kau senyum kepada ku..
aku igin dgr ucapan kau berulng kali..
aku igin kau brjalan di samping aku..
aku igin kau memandang aku dan diam membisu..
lalu berbisik.. "saja nk tgok awk..comel!"

tpi smuanya..mustahil!!!

.....................

kini aku trus kuatkn diri..
melawan smua perasaan..
berperang untk melupakan kau..
berusaha keras membuang kau dri igtn ni..
boleh ke aku???

aku nk lari..
lari jauh dri sini..
ke satu tmpt..

di mna aku dpt brdiri..
aku dpt brnafas..
trsenyum dan merasa tenang..
di mana aku dpt lihat lngit biru membuka hatiku..
angin mnyentuh lembut pipiku..
matahari trsengih mnja melihatku..
burung berkicauan lgu riang..
pelangi bersinar cerah di mataku..
dan aku dpt lihat smua keindahan..

"sayang"...

hidup hanya sekali..don't be sad!

Kadang, dalam kehidupan..
Kita tersalah menilai..
Apa yg berharga dan apa yg tidak..

Kita sibuk mngejar kesempurnaan hidup..

Lupa diri..

Lupa apa yg kita miliki..
Lupa destinasi sebenar..

Kita sukar terima kritikan..
Kita mncari kelemahan saingan..

Apa erti kalau terus hidup atas dasar dengki, dendam dan kejam?

Kadang, kita lalai..
Terus hanyut mengejar sesuatu yg tak pasti..
Sedangkn yg pasti sudah menanti..

Hidup hanya sekali..

Knpa msti mnyakiti dan disakiti??

Smuanya terpulang kpda diri sndiri..
Kalau kita sdar apa baik buruk..
Takkan kita salah memilih..

Kita yg akn mewarnai hidup ini..

Jadi warnailah dgn keceriaan dan bukan kesedihan..

Hikmah masih tersembunyi..
Namun pena sudah mngering..
Takdir sudah ditetapkan..
Qada’ dan Qadar sudah ditentukan..
Berserah dan berdoa itu yg mampu..

Yakin pada diri,
Yakin di mana kesedihan ini akn berakhir jua nnt..

Sabar dan teguh jiwa ini..
Kerana di mna ada kesabaran psti trbuka jalan yg terang..

hating myself for loving you

sitting here alone..
in the middle of the darkness..
just turning back my face..
looking at you and your pictures..

there's something i need to tell you..
that i hate myself for loving you..
just wait for a second..
and you'll see it clearly..

what  pretty words..
escaping your mouth..
before i could know..
before i could see..
what's real happening..
around me..

hate myself for loving you..
and i hate myself for loving you..

i'm sorry

I’m sorry for hurting you badly
Seriously, I never realize your true feeling towards me
I just thought you’re joking
I’m sorry because I really don’t care bout it since the first time you tell me
“you are so special for me”

I thought it’s just the way you show your love to me as your friend
Never know till one day
When I tell you I’m with him,
Then you’re changing
The way you talk to me, the way you look at me
So different and I can feel there’s something wrong
But I still can’t figure it out “Why??”

When I ask “Is something wrong I’ve done to you?”
Then you just turn away and leave me




One day I cry till my eyes turn red because he hurts me
Then you come, trying to make me happy and smile
But I can’t stop crying
Then, yah! I still remember, you acting like a clown just to make me laugh
I can see how much you hate seeing me crying
And I can feel it too, that’s you never want me to be sad just because of him

He always hurts me and you the one who tries hard to make me happy
But one thing I realize, you hiding something
When I talk with you about him, I can see your eyes like burning inside,
Your words like killing yourself but you force to speak it out just to make me calm
I can see it but I’m not so sure

I don’t know how much you suffer,
But I know the pain you feel inside you
I know you trying to let it go but you can’t

I’m sorry if I hurt you much
I never mean to do so
I just want you to be my friend
Always be with me, care for me, and share everything with me
Just like before

But everything change now

I don’t want you to leave
I still need you
I always want you
Forever as my best friend

I'm sorry...

a note for you

I just walk around
Pretending that I’m strong
Even though I feel like crying

Nobody knows, my feelings
They fighting and killing me now
So I just make it over
Till I fall to the ground

Can’t you see?
Can’t you feel it?
Every thing I try to tell you
Look into my eyes
And you’ll know someday

Before I leave you
Before I go away
Before I say goodbye
Hear me for a second

I just want you to know
I always love you
Forever till the end

If you could find someone else
That’s better then me
I would begging for you
Don’t ever forget me

Keep me in your heart
The best one
Even though I know
I’m not

As if you know
I always try to be the best for you
I always try to make you happy
But I always turned it worse

I just watch you from a distance now
Looking how you smile and laugh with your friends
Without knowing I’m there
Without realizing I’m crying

Maybe you don’t feel it
But I hope you’ll find me before my last breathe